Travels

So yesterday I went to Milton with Zoran to chill with Bogdan for the day. It was pretty nice. I had to fake sickness and call in sick at work. I feel kind of guilty but it was worth it. Milton is a very peaceful area. Definitely different from the upbeat Toronto. We stayed for about 7 hours. It was a blast! I hope we get to go there again sometime in the future.

Changes

It has been said that change can bring about the end of a friendship. For instance, if one person in a friendship changes and the other cannot adapt to that, then there will be complications. As well, if both friends change and end up going in opposite directions, it brings about the end. Is that what's happening between myself and Emmarie? There used to be a time where we talked a lot and really kept up-to-date. Now, it just doesn't seem like that. I know she's busy and I am as well. Still, is this that "change" that has been talked about? I know she's matured quite a bit in over three years and I'm happy for her. However, is there something I'm not able to adapt to why this friendship is failing? It's just so hard to tell, you know?

Writings

So I wrote Emmarie a really long letter about how I feel. I hope she reads it. I still don't think she added me back on MSN like she said she did but I guess it makes no difference. I hope she reads all of it. It might upset her or make her cry, but she has to know the truth. What will happen from this? Will this save the friendship? I doubt it. Why am I even trying to save it? If it's done, it's done, right? Maybe deep down, I just don't want it to end.

Truth

So it seems my visions have begun taking place: Emmarie is starting to slowly push me out of her life. She started by deleting me off MSN. I questioned her about it and she keeps telling me that my visions are stupid and that she's becoming scared of them. I will admit, it is somewhat surreal that they are actually happening but I can't help it. I don't determine what's going to happen. I just see them and they do. I can't tell exactly when, but it seems it's beginning earlier than I figured they would. She said she would re-add me on MSN, but she still hasn't yet. I'm not sure what will happen next, but I know the end result: Emmarie will forget about our friendship. She will forget about me. It's what's meant to happen I suppose...

Power

So Zoran's been telling me about this book he's currently reading about "48 Laws of Power." It's a list of 48 rules that if one abides by, they will be able to control and influence those around them. This seems like a very powerful tool. To be able to have to pretty much manipulate those around you without them even knowing it? I'm not so sure. He did tell me one of the laws and how it's actually working for him. He said that if you ignore someone, it will subconsciously create inside them a desire to want to talk to you. Acting like you don't want to talk to them will make them want to communicate more often? Could this even work? If so, then would it mean my situation will Sonia will have the same results? I am ignoring her at the moment at work so according to this law, she should want to talk to me.

I think I'm going to buy this book and learn about this "power." It seems a little risky though. Do I really want to control those around me? At what cost does this power have both short and long term? Manipulating others...isn't that the "power" of darkness? He also said that "nice guys finish last" and that it's all about having the "power" of control. But, what happens when you have too much power?

Broken Ice

So Luna talked to me randomly this morning. I don't know why. Just seemed to come out of nowhere with no purpose. I questioned her and she said "i just wanted to say hi." Why though? She kicked me out of her life. I told her that my life was so much better ever since the incident. She kind of turned away at that point. Maybe she wants to reunite with me? It won't be easy. She can't just boot me from her life and expect me to be so welcoming.

Kindness

So I talked more with that Brittany girl today. She seems real nice. I learnt quite a bit, like how she's doing in school, why she chose her major, and of course the fact that she has a boyfriend. Bit of a setback, but it's all good. I don't feel discouraged. I still want to develop a good friendship with her. I mean after all, we do have an entire school year in this one course to see each other so might as well. She gave me her e-mail address to add her on Facebook. Looks like I'm going to be going against my vow and re-activate my account! Oh well. Two weeks wasn't so bad, right?

Determination

I have to work much harder in school now. My midterm marks weren't all that great so I have to make up for them. I'm not worried, but I think my mom is. I have to buckle down, so to speak, and get going on this.

What will it take to get A's? Hard work, determination, motivation, focus. All these things combined. I can't allow any distractions to occur. Drama has pretty much been cut out my life. I no longer have to deal with drama from most of my friends. I haven't even seen them anyways.

Dewland

Last night, I had a dream about Dewland, my old friend from high school. I miss that guy. We were pretty close. He hasn't hung out with us since 2006. I still don't know his reason. It's like he fell off the face of the earth. I've bumped into him once after that, but that was it. What happened to him?

Anyways, in the dream I saw him, but he looked upset, mainly at me. I know that all this time, I've been blaming myself for what has happened to him. I still do. I feel like there was something I could've done, but what? I was the only one he could talk on a personal level to. If only I could've done more for him. Maybe things would have been different.

Vow

It's been one week since I deactivated my Facebook account. I can't believe I've gone that long without it. Before, I used to be so obsessed with it. Not anymore. Ever since the fight I had with Luna. I feel like I've changed a bit and grown up a little. I need to look into this a bit more.

As for the account, I won't stay off forever. Instead, I've made myself a promise: I will not re-activate my Facebook account until I get a girlfriend. Who knows how long that will take, but I feel that is the appropriate route.

Beautiful Girl

I told you about the girl in my Sociology class, right? Her name's Brittany. I talked to her for a bit today while in class and on the way to the bus stop. She's a third year student majoring in Human Rights. I assume she's like 20 years old. She actually doesn't live too too far from York. She had to do a presentation today. She sounded a little nervous, but I think she did quite well. She has such a pretty smile though. Do I have a crush on her? That's crazy talk, isn't it? I shouldn't, especially so soon, right? Who knows...guess we'll see next week then.