Beginning of the Holidays

So now I have finished my exams and it's time for me to relax for the next two weeks. I hope I have myself a great time. I just want to really relax and spend it with my friends. That's all for me.

Friend of a Friend

I noticed that Luna added Emmarie on Facebook. This is just all too odd. Why? They never met each other before. I mean sure me and Luna talked once upon a time about adding Emmarie, but I never thought she actually would. Also, I remember Emmarie saying she doesn't just go accepting adds from anyone because she would want to meet and get to know them first. This doesn't make sense. Maybe I'm thinking too hard into this. Maybe i should just let it be. I just hope that this doesn't have anything to do with me. I have to stand by the fact that my friendship with Emmarie has evaporated.

Speaking of, Luna says she has a gift for me. She says it's light and custom. I'm so anxious to find out what it is. It must be real special! I hope she likes what I got her. I know it's not much. I might go out once exams are over and get her something else just to compensate. I'm so bad at Christmas shopping!

Career

I don't think I have much time left at IKEA. Yesterday, I was "suspended with pay" over alleged actions between myself and Sonia. In my head, I was laughing but still got me to thinking that it was time to start job searching again. It sucks that money is a big deal for me due to expenses. If it wasn't, I wouldn't necessarily care. But now I have to look for a job that will give me a good amount of pay for a good amount of hours to compensate. Also, I want a job that fits more into my desired field of work. I don't want to work in retail anymore. I dislike the environment a great deal. This issue between myself and Sonia will most likely be resolved next week, meaning I probably will be terminated then. I must act quickly. I've already begun applying at some banks. I must keep searching.

Goodbye and Welcome Back

So this morning, I finally decided to remove Emmarie from my list of friends. I've been thinking about this for a while. I couldn't sleep last night because the whole situation with her was on my mind. I can't take anymore. I don't think she considers me an actual friend. We'll go our separate ways, just as the vision foretold.

However as this happened, a few hours later, fate brought Luna to me while I was having lunch. She gave me a hug and said she was sorry. She said that she had been thinking about me quite a bit and regretted what happened between us. I felt the same too somewhat. Still, we decided to bury the hatchet and become friends again. Just like that, I had lost a friend and regained one. Funny how this all happens in the span of a few hours.

Hanging out with Luna for the past few hours made me feel like nothing ever happened between us. It's like the past 2 months never happened. It felt...good in a sense. So is this what's going to happen? I will lose friends and gain them back at a later time? I had a brief vision of this possibility but it seems weird.

Two Girls

I did my Sociology midterm today and boy was it ever easy. It was supposed to take two hours to do yet only took my 40 minutes. I sure hope that means I did well.

I also made another friend. I've known her for a bit since she's in the same Sociology tutorial as mine but I only just learnt her name today. Her name's Diana. She seems real nice. I hope she did well on the midterm too. I hope Brittany did as well. Speaking of Brittany, I didn't get to talk to her much since she showed up right before the exam and I finished early. I wanted to wish her a happy holiday and maybe even ask if she wanted to hang out sometime during the winter break.

So that's two girls now: Brittany and Diana. Both are Asian, 3rd year students and I assume they're both the same age. Brittany's taller though. I'd say she's like 5'4" while Diana's about 5'. Both have boyfriends (well, at least I'm going with Brittany's word that she does) so I guess I'm out of luck in both counts. Oh well. Still, it's always nice to make new friends.

Deja Vu

So about a month or so ago, me, Zoran, and Bogdan were chilling near the pool hall having another one of our random discussions. We made a joke about how funny and ridiculous it would be if a job randomly called one of us offering an interview for a job despite not having our resume and us never applying there. It was a good laugh and we concluded that the chances of that were virtually 0%. Well, Zoran got a call from CIBC for an interview at one of their branches. Now, Zoran had never applied to that branch nor do they have his resume. In fact, they didn't even tell him what the position is, but apparently it's something in his field. It struck me as odd. He remembers our joke too and feels deja vu. I mean...what are the odds? How does this happen? How were we able to fully call what was going to happen?

He told me that he's had many visions and deja vu moments this year alone. For instance, he visioned that he was going to break up with Tijana and it happened. So, I'm not alone in this. What could this possibly mean? If we're having these visions occur, what is the overall message? Is something big going to happen soon that's going to involve all of us?

Light and Dark

So I got into a bit of a fight again with Emmarie today. It was still about the money somewhat but just overall about where we stand as friends. After a bit, she told me that "whatever happens happens" and that the friendship doesn't have to end. She was upset at first but she started to understand. I apologized to her for everything and she did the same. Now, we're back on the good terms. It's odd how our friendship works. We can have a heated argument for a good week and then brush it off like it's nothing. It's mostly because of her. She's just so forgiving. I call her an angel because of that, much to her dismay. I love her a lot because of her ability to be so kind no matter what.

I still wonder how our friendship will turn out. It seems she really doesn't want it to end but is understanding if we drift apart. I guess I should accept that possibility as well. We just have totally different views on friendship. I always see her as pure light while myself as the dark. We're opposites when you look at it that way. Both cannot co-exist together for long because of their separate vibes. Even though I am darkness, I can never truly be angry at her. Likewise, no matter how much I upset her, she always forgives me. That's what makes our friendship strong.

Travels

So yesterday I went to Milton with Zoran to chill with Bogdan for the day. It was pretty nice. I had to fake sickness and call in sick at work. I feel kind of guilty but it was worth it. Milton is a very peaceful area. Definitely different from the upbeat Toronto. We stayed for about 7 hours. It was a blast! I hope we get to go there again sometime in the future.

Changes

It has been said that change can bring about the end of a friendship. For instance, if one person in a friendship changes and the other cannot adapt to that, then there will be complications. As well, if both friends change and end up going in opposite directions, it brings about the end. Is that what's happening between myself and Emmarie? There used to be a time where we talked a lot and really kept up-to-date. Now, it just doesn't seem like that. I know she's busy and I am as well. Still, is this that "change" that has been talked about? I know she's matured quite a bit in over three years and I'm happy for her. However, is there something I'm not able to adapt to why this friendship is failing? It's just so hard to tell, you know?

Writings

So I wrote Emmarie a really long letter about how I feel. I hope she reads it. I still don't think she added me back on MSN like she said she did but I guess it makes no difference. I hope she reads all of it. It might upset her or make her cry, but she has to know the truth. What will happen from this? Will this save the friendship? I doubt it. Why am I even trying to save it? If it's done, it's done, right? Maybe deep down, I just don't want it to end.

Truth

So it seems my visions have begun taking place: Emmarie is starting to slowly push me out of her life. She started by deleting me off MSN. I questioned her about it and she keeps telling me that my visions are stupid and that she's becoming scared of them. I will admit, it is somewhat surreal that they are actually happening but I can't help it. I don't determine what's going to happen. I just see them and they do. I can't tell exactly when, but it seems it's beginning earlier than I figured they would. She said she would re-add me on MSN, but she still hasn't yet. I'm not sure what will happen next, but I know the end result: Emmarie will forget about our friendship. She will forget about me. It's what's meant to happen I suppose...

Power

So Zoran's been telling me about this book he's currently reading about "48 Laws of Power." It's a list of 48 rules that if one abides by, they will be able to control and influence those around them. This seems like a very powerful tool. To be able to have to pretty much manipulate those around you without them even knowing it? I'm not so sure. He did tell me one of the laws and how it's actually working for him. He said that if you ignore someone, it will subconsciously create inside them a desire to want to talk to you. Acting like you don't want to talk to them will make them want to communicate more often? Could this even work? If so, then would it mean my situation will Sonia will have the same results? I am ignoring her at the moment at work so according to this law, she should want to talk to me.

I think I'm going to buy this book and learn about this "power." It seems a little risky though. Do I really want to control those around me? At what cost does this power have both short and long term? Manipulating others...isn't that the "power" of darkness? He also said that "nice guys finish last" and that it's all about having the "power" of control. But, what happens when you have too much power?

Broken Ice

So Luna talked to me randomly this morning. I don't know why. Just seemed to come out of nowhere with no purpose. I questioned her and she said "i just wanted to say hi." Why though? She kicked me out of her life. I told her that my life was so much better ever since the incident. She kind of turned away at that point. Maybe she wants to reunite with me? It won't be easy. She can't just boot me from her life and expect me to be so welcoming.

Kindness

So I talked more with that Brittany girl today. She seems real nice. I learnt quite a bit, like how she's doing in school, why she chose her major, and of course the fact that she has a boyfriend. Bit of a setback, but it's all good. I don't feel discouraged. I still want to develop a good friendship with her. I mean after all, we do have an entire school year in this one course to see each other so might as well. She gave me her e-mail address to add her on Facebook. Looks like I'm going to be going against my vow and re-activate my account! Oh well. Two weeks wasn't so bad, right?

Determination

I have to work much harder in school now. My midterm marks weren't all that great so I have to make up for them. I'm not worried, but I think my mom is. I have to buckle down, so to speak, and get going on this.

What will it take to get A's? Hard work, determination, motivation, focus. All these things combined. I can't allow any distractions to occur. Drama has pretty much been cut out my life. I no longer have to deal with drama from most of my friends. I haven't even seen them anyways.

Dewland

Last night, I had a dream about Dewland, my old friend from high school. I miss that guy. We were pretty close. He hasn't hung out with us since 2006. I still don't know his reason. It's like he fell off the face of the earth. I've bumped into him once after that, but that was it. What happened to him?

Anyways, in the dream I saw him, but he looked upset, mainly at me. I know that all this time, I've been blaming myself for what has happened to him. I still do. I feel like there was something I could've done, but what? I was the only one he could talk on a personal level to. If only I could've done more for him. Maybe things would have been different.

Vow

It's been one week since I deactivated my Facebook account. I can't believe I've gone that long without it. Before, I used to be so obsessed with it. Not anymore. Ever since the fight I had with Luna. I feel like I've changed a bit and grown up a little. I need to look into this a bit more.

As for the account, I won't stay off forever. Instead, I've made myself a promise: I will not re-activate my Facebook account until I get a girlfriend. Who knows how long that will take, but I feel that is the appropriate route.

Beautiful Girl

I told you about the girl in my Sociology class, right? Her name's Brittany. I talked to her for a bit today while in class and on the way to the bus stop. She's a third year student majoring in Human Rights. I assume she's like 20 years old. She actually doesn't live too too far from York. She had to do a presentation today. She sounded a little nervous, but I think she did quite well. She has such a pretty smile though. Do I have a crush on her? That's crazy talk, isn't it? I shouldn't, especially so soon, right? Who knows...guess we'll see next week then.

Separations

When I really sit and think about it, the only friends I talk to on a regular basis are Zoran and Bogdan. Now that Luna is out of the picture for now, I really don't have anyone else. Emmarie only sees me as a "school friend" so talking to her is a rare thing. I haven't even seen Irina since May. I don't consider Sonia a friend anymore because I know she doesn't consider me one. It's odd. In this past month alone, there have been so many changes in my circle of friends. In one swift notion, all has been revealed. I feel like I'm drifting away from them.

I'm not worried though. After all, I am used to being the lone wolf always fighting battles alone. If they remember me, they'll come to me. As for Luna, who knows what will happen with that.

At It Again

Dang! I bunned with the guys last night. Haha. Well, the two month period was good while it lasted. Oh well. This was just a one-time thing, especially with all that's been happening to me these past few weeks. It's always a blast hanging out with those two. Zoran seems to be moving on from his incident quite well. I'm happy for him.